Reference Guide

I like Pinterest. I am on daily. I may have an addiction. However it's a healthy one. Pinterest has brought us many a new meal plan, craft idea, decorating tip, and even a little motivation. I see on there though "15 things every mom should tell her son", "20 things every boy or girl should know" and so on. It got me to thinking... there are things I'd like my boys to know that maybe I haven't thought to tell them. I don't think I can however put them in any order or limit the number to as little as 15 or 20! It may require multiple blogs, but I do want them to have something to reference now and again, you know, when I 'm not around to remind them. So boys, this is for you, the start of your very on reference guide. Remember, I can't limit the number or choose an order so...

Do what is right, NOT what is easy.

I believe in YOU.

Remember to take a minute not to ask God for anything-but thank Him for what you do have.

NEVER use the word gay in a derogatory manner, it's ignorant.

NEVER use your fists to solve ANY dispute. One wrong punch could take a life and it could be yours.

You are strong, you are brave, you are smart, you are kind, you are handsome, you amaze me, you are funny. I am ALWAYS here for you, I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what.

Home is always safe, even if no where else feels that way.

Help others.

When you are afraid, nervous, heart broken or just need me and I'm not there, HE is always. PRAY.

Boys and men can do laundry, dishes and cook.

You become like the people you spend the most time with-choose carefully.

When you feel like you are drowning in life, don't worry, your Lifeguard walks on water.

If you don't go after what you want you will never have it.

Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.

Real girls don't look like Victoria Secret models.

You have manners, use them.

It's ok to have heroes with big muscles and uniforms-Big Poppy, Walter Payton, Michael Jordan-but know there are heroes who kicked butt because of their brains- Albert Einstein, Dr. Martin Luther King, Neil Armstrong-

You are never to old to hug/kiss your mom.

Arrogance and self pity are unacceptable-somewhere someone has it far worse and someone will always have more.

Dance like nobody is watching, it's good for your soul.

Please be honest. The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth.

If it's important to you, you will find a way. If not you will find an excuse.

If you don't ask the answer will always be no.

What if you only wake up tomorrow with what you thank God for today?

Attitude is everything.

If you don't step forward, you'll always be in the same place.

You have recognizable similarities being brothers you also have undeniable uniqueness. You are you- held accountable by your brotherhood.

I love you.

Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

A nice reminder

Carson had a cross country meet this week at a park that I first, and last visited about eight years ago. This is the same park where Chase had his first ever cross county meet. It's not the park that holds significance to me or even that it's where Chase's first meet was  and now Carson. It's the park where I fell in love. In love with running. I remember Chase's first meet so vividly. Only, Chase I am so sorry, I don't remember a thing about Chase running or how he did that day. (I am sure he did great, and I was very, very proud of him!) It is the boy who finished dead last, yes, last that I remember so well. When Chase started cross country I didn't know much about the sport. Ok I knew nothing about the sport. I wasn't sure what to expect. All the other runners had finished, people were starting to leave, and I heard someone say we still have one runner on the course. I remember seeing this group of kids come around the corner, and there was this last place runner in the middle of them all. His team. They were running with him and encouraging him to finish. People started to gather again. As the boy runs along people start clapping, and shouting words of encouragement. Not just his team or people from his town, but everyone. I remember the look on his face when he saw the finish line, he was almost there. His team stops running, but keeps cheering, they let him cross the finish, and then they surround him, embracing him and his accomplishment. I don't know if eight years later this boy is still running or not. I don't know if he would even remember that day. I can't even remember where he was from. I just remember his face. His PROUD face. It's not to many times someone can come in last and have people cheer. It's not to many times someone comes in last and hears words of encouragement. This meet touched me. A sport where you compete as individuals, but also as a team. A sport where people encourage not belittle. A sport where of course you want your son/daughter and their team mates to do well, but it's common to cheer for everyone. I fell in love with running that day, because it wasn't about being THE BEST, it was about doing YOUR BEST. Whatever that is. It's about building self esteem and a whole lot of character. I've learned some over the past eight years about cross country and running, although an expert I am not. I even in the past few years have taken on a race or two. I've always said for me, it's not about the time I cross the line in, but that I cross the line. Running isn't for everyone, and that's understandable. Over the years, I have also come to learn that the people you run with become your friends, there is a whole lot of commodore, an unspoken bond. I'm glad to have revisited the park where I fell in love, a nice reminder of the positive. Chase and Carson both have meets this weekend, and I am so glad I get to share in their experiences and although they are competing on two completely different levels, the playing field is the same. Run boys run, mom's so proud of you!! Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

Changing of the...well seems like everything

In May I started having problems with kidney stones. Chase moved home from college for the summer and on his first day back he got to drive his mom to have a medical procedure. Welcome home Chase! In May Kohl graduated from High School, and that's when it all started......the change. Typically our family handles change relatively well. We have our moments, but for the most part change is usually for the better. As June moves in and we are all back in one house as a family and with no school we adjust to this nice change. Baseball games, hockey games, new summer jobs for the big boys...more kidney stones, another procedure, but I push through. I think I made it to every game despite the fact, well if I must be honest, I felt like hmm... well let's just say not good. July came, vacation time, should be great. Two days before vacation I have to have yet another procedure for these nasty kidney stones that won't leave me alone, should be the last procedure and I can move on to feeling myself. I wake up to hear I now have a "permanent" stint. I won't tell you what I was thinking at this moment as it's not very nice, but ok, I can deal with this change. We leave for vacation, which Kohl only got to join us for a weekend of due to his summer internship at State Farm. More change, we aren't all together for vacation. We do alright with it, don't love it, but it's good for Kohl so we handle it. August comes and we start getting ready to send two boys to college. Ugg, not going to lie, I know this is a change I am not going to like. I am still not feeling great and I have not a nice word for this stint. We receive news-great news! Bob has been offered a new job! This is a change he's been wanting for a while. Change is good. He'd been at RR Donnelley for 24 years, so this is a BIG change. He takes the job. Thank you GOD we know this was your hand at work and we praise Your glory. Bob starts his new job (in Kankakee) we move Chase back to school (he has to go earlier then Kohl as his cross country starts). This seems like a lot of change for one week, but we deal. The next week we move Kohl to school, and the little boys start school. More change, but every one's excited about their new adventures. One morning after the little boys have left for school it hits me and hits hard, I am standing in an empty house, empty except for me. I have never felt so alone (still not feeling good, so I am sure this didn't help) and the tears begin to flow, and flow, and flow. I think for me a good cry is God's way of healing me, cleansing my soul. So, I have my cry and move on, trying to convince myself change is for the better. That night at bed time, all the change hit the little boys too. They have tears which in turn of course makes me cry. We miss our big boys. Take a deep breath. Explain how all this is for the good, the better of us all. Sounded convincing enough. I go to bed and pray...God help me to except all this change. I KNOW it's all for the better, but why is it seeming so hard? I finally get to have my stint removed. I have never been so excited to have a medical procedure in all my life. I almost feel instant relief. Now September has rolled around and everyone is adjusting. I am feeling better. Bob loves his new job. Big boys settled and enjoying school. Little boys are settling in and loving their activities. I am realizing the house isn't really empty, just changing. Change is good. I am however counting the days till May when we all are home again....every change comes from God, some easy, some not so much. With God by my side I am able to face the changing days of our lives, with a good cry now and again.
Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

I wonder?

I sometimes wonder if my boys know how much I love them. I don't think they do. I don't think they can. Until they are parents I don't think they can imagine the amount of love one feels for their children. I wonder if the older two know how much I miss them, really miss them? I wonder if they realize I've never lived more then 15 minutes from my own mom?  I wonder if they realize how far away they seem? I wonder if Chase knows when he's running and we can't be there that I watch the clock and cheer like a crazy woman? I wonder if Kohl knows that I will do the same when track starts? I wonder if the little boys know how long the school day seems to me? How I can't wait to hear about their day? I wonder if they all know they are the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think of as I drift to sleep? I wonder if they know how many prayers I pray for them? I wonder if they know how proud I am of them? I wonder if they know that even when they make mistakes I am proud of them? I am proud of the way they handle themselves when faced with diversity and tough times, do they know? Do they know how much the sound of their voices means to me, and the sound of their laughs? Do they know that when I get a text or phone call not only do my lips smile but so does my heart? When they hurt, are scared, sad or unsure I feel it ten fold, and wish I could take it away, do they know? Do they know that when they are happy I am too? I LOVE their hugs and LOVE when I hear I love you, do they know?  Do they know my love is endless and not able to be measured, do they understand unconditional love? They can come to me with anything, do they know that? Do they know? I wonder? I think my boys know how much I love them, I hope if there is one thing in this world they know it's how much they are loved. I wonder if they understand the depth? I wonder.....
Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

MOMS

I recently participated in a group at our church. MOMS. Ministry of Mother's Sharing. This is an 8 week program. I have been asked multiply times to join this group and every time I had an excuse not to. I realize they were excuses and not really good reasons, and every time I said no I felt a tinge guilty, but not enough guilt to say yes. The years go by. I would sometimes hear of someone talking about MOMS and how much they were enjoying it and think to myself I just don't have time right now, and I won't have time the next session either. Our calender is rather full, and I just didn't feel I had time for something that was just for MOM. For whatever reason when I was asked this time to participate, I thought instantly to myself "yes". What was I thinking? Where did that yes come from? And without hesitation? When I was asked again I said "yes" out loud. (Well, maybe not actually out loud, I think it was a text message.) That was that-I was committed. Honestly, it seemed to be a bit out of my comfort zone, and I began to second guess. Was it to late to get out of this? Really? Heidi buck up, what's one night a week for 8 weeks? I went. I know now that the "yes" came from God not me. He knew this was the time for me. He knew I needed this. He knew I needed these ladies. This group of women are so awesome, really, really awesome. A few I knew (or thought I knew) a few I didn't. By the end of our sessions I feel honored and privileged to know them and call them my friends and maybe even my spiritual advisers. This has been an amazing experience and I am so glad HE made me say yes! I am a little sad the sessions are over, but waiting to see what He has in mind for me next is exciting! Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

Feets Worth Mentioning

I am happy to report the I have successfully finished my first 1/2 marathon. For those of you unfamiliar with running that's 13.1 miles. (And it's the .1 that's hard!) I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 marathon with my dear friend Mary. It's because of Mary that I have a marathon and now a 1/2 crossed off "My List". She makes me believe I can do these things, and I guess I can, but not without her! We left in the wee hours of a Saturday morning (4:30 I think) flew to Orlando and enjoyed Saturday at the marathon expo and relaxing by the pool. By the pool in our jackets with cloudy skies, but we were in Florida and it was suppose to be nice. We went to bed early as we had to be up at 2:30 am to ready for and get to the race which started at 5:30 am. We arrived at the race start with 19,998 other princesses. It was exciting. They start the race in true Disney fashion with fireworks and announcers and of course the Fairy Godmother. There is all kind of entertainment and characters along the way. We are enjoying ourselves and running right along, then about mile 9 I start to wonder if I can really do this. I start to tire, my mind says yes my legs say not so fast. As we enjoy the hills they so kindly put at the end of the race route I really start to wonder...I say a prayer... and of course I am rejuvenated and ready to press on. When I can't count on myself, I know God will carry me through. We ran from Epcot to The Magic Kingdom, through the castle down Main St. and worked our way back to Epcot. When we entered Epcot closing in on the finish the spectators start to help us with their cheers of encouragement. Many of them letting us know we are almost there...the finish is within our reach. Nice of them, but miles 11 and 12 are NOT almost there! (Remember I mentioned it's the .1 that's hard) We continue and at mile 13 a volunteer promises me we are really almost there. I am thinking to myself, this was fun, but never again! We cross the finish and I again am refreshed and proud of our accomplishment. We catch our breath and begin talking about what our next race will be! When your in the middle of it you wonder why you are doing it, then at the finish you are reminded why. It's that great overwhelming feeling of "I DID IT!" We enjoy the rest of our day treating ourselves to good food and fun. We rise early again on Monday as our shuttle picks us up at 4:30 am to return us to the airport. We fly home, happy (tired) princesses. Thank you Mary for making me believe in myself. Thank you to my family for allowing me this time consuming hobby, and for being my biggest fans. Thank you mom for the greatest birthday present ever! Thank you God for blessing me with all these wonderful people that make me so happy.

Kaden is like a new boy with his eyes working better and sleeping finally sleeping! We continue to work with his eye therapy and as he improves we try to get him to try things he couldn't do before. He never is excited to try these things as I think he's afraid of not being able to do them and the disappointment it brings. But boy is he excited and happy and PROUD when he can! HE CAN TIE HIS SHOES!!! This may not seem like a big deal to many of you, but it brings me to tears and him to ear to ear smiles! He has not been able to tie his shoes, he could not see the laces well enough to do so. We have had many a tear and thrown shoe the past few years as he'd try. He was discouraged and embarrassed. We convinced him to try again recently and we spell success with new "tie" tennis shoes! Kaden I am so proud of you for trying things you think you can't do and for never giving up, NEVER give up! What doesn't kill us makes us stronger! It may take you longer, you may have to practice harder, but you CAN do anything!
Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

Hip-Hip Hooray!

As many of you know Bob had hip surgery on December 1st. He was to have both hips core decompressed. The morning of  Bob's surgery, he and his Dr. came to a mutual decision that it may not be in Bob's best interest to do both hips at the same time. (The word nursing home was mentioned) So they attacked the "bad" hip first. Surgery went smoothly, and we brought him home and welcomed him to his new living quarters in the living room. His bed right next to the Christmas tree! What a great night light! Bob was to be 100% non weight bearing on the hip. Let's just say that took a little getting use to, but he quickly became master of the walker and then crutches. Everyone pitched in and helped out. We brought him whatever he needed. I must admit I was unsure of how this whole thing was going to go as Bob had never had surgery before. And well, sorry guys, but you know how men are....let's just say he proved me wrong about that whole theory, as he was a great patient. He truly never complained and was in good spirits. Bob was scheduled for the next hip to be done on December 29th, not a whole lot of recovery time but to be honest with missing work and that little thing called insurance, that's how this had to play out. So December 29 we headed back to the hospital where his Dr. did a bit of a longer surgery and inserted a rod. This is in hopes to save this hip from ever having to be replaced. This surgery proved to be a bit rougher and brought with it more pain and swelling then the first. Again, Bob handled this with grace. Through this whole process I think our family grew closer and learned many things about ourselves. We had prayed that this was the right course of action, and that God would guide us through the challenges that it brought with it. Of course God didn't let us down. He has guided us literally and figuratively step by step, and I pray He isn't done yet! Bob returned to work yesterday after being home for 12 weeks. Over the past 12 weeks we have brought Bob his meals, drinks, medicine and even his clothes. He has had very little say in anything in his life. He never complained. We entertained to the best of our abilities, and although he will never admit it, I think even we became boring! Kaden became master back massager, and drink go getter and taught us how to poponasong. (Which I don't expect any of you to understand, but know it makes us laugh till we hurt!)  Carson entertained Bob to tears with noise putty, and was master movie starter, Kohl graciously ran errands and helped whenever he could. Chase cheered with his phone calls. It has been a long 12 weeks in some regards, I am not sure what Bob was most ready for, driving himself or making his own clothing choices, I think even work began to sound good. On the other hand it's gone remarkably fast and we have enjoyed every second of having him home and we are going to miss him dearly as he returns to work. Bob I commend you and thank you for making what could of been completely miserable, actually fun and enjoyable, while you may not think so! Hip-Hip Hooray the hard part is over! Thank you God for blessing us immensely.

A prayer what?

A few months ago a very sweet, wise beyond her years, teenage girl presented me with a gift. I don't think she nor I had any idea how much this gift was going to mean to me. The gift a prayer shawl. "Shawls...made for centuries universal and embracing, symbolic of an inclusive, unconditionally loving, God. They wrap, enfold, comfort, cover, give solace, mother, hug, shelter and beautify. Those who have received these shawls have been uplifted and affirmed, as if given wings to fly above their troubles..." (Written by : Janet Bristow) The shawl maker begins with prayers and blessings for the recipient. The intentions are continued throughout the creation of the shawl. Upon completion, a final blessing is offered before the shawl is sent on it's way. Shawls can be used for: undergoing medical procedures; as a comfort after a loss or in times of stress; during prayer or meditation...there are endless possibilities. This all sounds so official. Truth is in our house it's not even called a prayer shawl, it's called a prayer scarf. I don't think boys know what shawls are! It doesn't matter what you call it, but it definitely has a calming affect. As if God really is wrapping his arms around you offering comfort. It also serves as a reminder, to pray and give thanks, turn all your worries to God. The "scarves" have popped up around our house without even being made with special intentions, they started out as, well scarves. The boys saw mine, asked about it, and then suddenly I began to find scarves under pillows. It doesn't matter if was made with special intentions as long as it provides what the user is needing. So I would like to thank that very sweet, wise beyond her years, teenage girl once again for inspiring us to pray and talk to God, I would like her to know that I thank Him for her every day and the blessings she's brought our family. Thank you God for blessing me immensely.