Look for the good

Twelve years ago today, I was on bed rest. Pregnant with our third child. Bored, I turned on the TV. What unfolded before my eyes was something I will never forget and I wish I never had to see. There are no words I can think of to describe what I watched for the next few hours...hours that turned to days.

I remember vividly crying and praying, praying and crying. I remember thinking (probably out loud) what are we doing bringing another child into this world that is now going to be filled with hate and war?

I remember just as vividly having a moment where I felt calm and peaceful, which I remember thinking was very odd. I think I thought maybe it was motherly instinct, trying to keep calm for the baby, I was on bed rest after all. Then I started to hear someone, something tell me to look for the good. Good? And there on TV I started to see and focus on the good not the evil, horrific devastation that was before me. I remember thinking we need to bring more children into this world and help make it a good place again. Teach the children to find the good and positive in every situation. Raise my children to be good-doers. The kind of people who help others. Maybe firemen or policemen, maybe a doctor or maybe just maybe the citizen who just simply does the right thing and helps others who can't help themselves, and most importantly not for the glory or self gratification it can have, but simply because it is the right thing to do. Could it really be that simple?

I remember going to church that night with my family. I remember thanking God for showing me the way. The way HE wants HIS children to be. That no matter how bad things seem there is good somewhere because HE is there. A kind word, a simple smile, an unspoken prayer. It didn't have anything to do with motherly instinct...it was a power much greater.

I still pray for all involved in 9/11, it changed everything and everyone. And now our three are our four. I still want them to be good-doers,  more importantly just good people. For HIM.

Thank you God for blessing me immensely.

For the love of running

It been a little over a year since I have ran. I won't bore you with the whys, it just has been. It's so easy to quit, so hard to restart. I am trying to restart...I miss it. I realized this week that I miss it for more reasons then I thought. I have never ran to win a race I run for the fun of it, the health of it, the joy of it the camaraderie and so I can write these blogs! I haven't been able to write a blog, it just wouldn't come to me. On a run this week it was like an "a-ha" moment. Then tonight I wanted to sit down a write a blog!

Carson has run with me a couple times this week, well one time with me and one time we were in the same park :) Carson was pushing me, I wanted to be able to at least see him, which meant I couldn't quit and I had to go a little quicker pace then I probably would have. As I felt a little burn in my chest and could hear myself breathing ( I hate that by the way) a bit of soreness in my legs and a blister blooming the sweat pouring, my throat drying all I could think was "this is perfect". I am so blessed and happy. God is always with me, but sometimes He has to make me sweat, burn and blister to realize how blessed. I love watching our boys do so many different things, the things He is providing. He always provides. I recently have enjoyed watching Kaden smile as he got a kiss from a dolphin, Carson as we parasailed for the first time, Chase as he plays hockey and Kohl as he laughs and brightens a room. These were the things I was thinking about tonight as we were running, then I see Carson, and I think these boys inspire me to be better, to do better, but I am very content with being in last place. The view is better from there for me. God's grace is enough, my family is enough, I have already won.
Thank you God for blessing my immensely.

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post. I have sat down and began to write several times, but nothing really seemed to come to me. We have been busy like everyone else, the holiday's, the "germs", basketball season and indoor track season, more "germs". It gets so busy that sometimes I need a reminder of what it all means. This past weekend we went to visit the big boys. It's funny how you catch some people viewing your family, to us it's just that our family, but some look at us with the age differences of our kids, and you can almost read their minds...I just smile. I smile because it's what God gave me, I also smile because I know just how lucky I am. We really miss our big boys, and I say this not to make them feel bad, but to let them know how much they are truly loved. We count the days from one visit to the next. We live for phone calls and texts, it's the little things. On our visit this past weekend God gave me the reminder I'd been needing. It's funny how He works always knowing what we need.  Chase had asked if the little boys could spend the night with him. They were beyond excited to get to stay "at college"! When we got to Dubuque we went to lunch, and then took the kids bowling. Simple pleasures. It's the last frame of the game and Kaden is winning. I know it is the fun of the game, not who wins or looses, but he's 8, it's kind of a big deal. It's Kohl's turn and if he even knocks 1 pin down he ties, more then that he wins. Kohl throws the first ball down the lane and right as it gets near the pins it goes in the gutter. He takes awhile before throwing the next ball down the lane, and this time I swear it touched a pin, but none fell and the ball went in the gutter. Kohl looked so happy to have lost, if I didn't know better I would swear he lost on purpose! Kaden looked as though he'd won the lottery! He did, the best-big-brother-ever lottery. That night Carson and Kaden spent the night with Chase which I think ranked higher then Christmas and their birthday's rolled into one. These boys reminded me, it's the simple things, the times we share, that's is what I live for, and I think they do too! Thank you God for blessing me immensely.